How do you get dressed?
An ode to routine, systems, girlfriends and living through chaos
Weeks have gone by since we last met and the only excuse I can really use is, life. If I dig deeper there is absolutely more to it under the surface and while I tell myself it’s complicated, it really isn’t– travel, sick kids, the flu, lack of planning, new schedules, gum surgery (TMI?), exhaustion, active choice to do something else instead of writing, not enough time, too much time. When I lay it out like this, these excuses feel superficial, trite, avoidable– well maybe not the norovirus… yuck.
This week, amidst the science fair scramble (our son’s first!!) and all the things, I got to have coffee with a few friends— one planned, one impromptu. Not just the quick kind where you get to see each other’s faces, say hello and jet, but the kind where you get to sit and talk and weave through all the subjects, and really dive into the crevasses that we often don’t get to or simply avoid because, is that the kind of thing we really want to get into right then and there?
It was cathartic and inspiring. Real vulnerability and trust. And two things kept coming up– routine and chaos. Two things that seemingly live in conflict with each other.
Last week, we had a few days off of school (again) and we traveled to celebrate my first mom friend’s 40th birthday. Our kids are the same ages, so my two came with us. We pulled them out of school for the three days they did have and stayed through the week— made a vacation out of it. It was a real treat.
It could have been a quick long-weekend trip, a weekend away from the kids and all of that and while that may have been easier (and wonderful in and of itself) this was way better.
We got to experience their life, their rhythms, their routine.
We came home, slid right into Daylight Savings and back into our routine, a new routine. It really was not much of a smooth slide but more of a water slide without the water, and in order to get down you sort of have to scooch along, stopping and starting along the way, possibly scratching your bum. Not entirely chaotic but definitely some bumps and bruises.
And normally I’d brush that off. It’s easy to answer the question we all get ALL THE TIME— How are you?— with a simple and quick, great! And overall everything is all good right now. But that’s overall and not minute by minute. And don’t some people in our lives deserve the minute by minute? Or rather don’t we deserve people around us who genuinely want that from us and make the time and space for it?! Vulnerability— while not natural or always the first thing I reach for, there is something so calming about being vulnerable. And calm feels good.
In a recent a Goop podcast episode on Menopause (no I’m not there yet, but yes I’m fascinated with the topic), Dr. Mary Claire Haver says that “our brains hate chaos” and I could not have felt more seen. I know some people can live in chaos and even thrive in chaos, but I do not. It paralyzes me. I crave systems and routines and actively work to create them and preserve them. (And also regularly tell my kids they must go with the flow— we’re all working on that.)
As I contemplated my routines and systems, I of course went straight to clothes and then to how I get dressed, more specifically how I plan an outfit. The logistics of it. I’m often dashing into the shower (yes, I have a system for how to make this the quickest possible, it may sound weird but it works!) and then have 5 minutes to get out, apply my lotions and potions, and then quickly throw clothes on and go. You’ll often see me with soaking wet hair, even in the dead of winter. Air dry for life.
The system: Decide on a vibe, check the weather, choose one item.
It all starts with a singular thing and then goes from there. Be it a pair of shoes I want to wear, a particular pair of jeans, a jacket even. It begins with a thing and then I build on it. I doubt I’m alone in this (it’s not rocket science), and I’m also certain you all have your own systems. Curious how you do it? Is getting dressed a routinized thing for you? A system? Or pure chaos? And if it’s chaos, does that work for you? Are you one of those…?
Here’s a few outfits with some things I’m eyeing for spring (when I haven’t been writing I’ve been shopping):
Have a wonderful weekend! So many more good things coming for spring…
p.s. If you make a purchase using some of the links above, I may make a small commission at no cost to you!